Two Coworkers, Overheard between the Train Station and the Office, Discuss Pressing Matters of the Day

Quinn Warnick

FRIEND A: I saw this PBS documentary last night on Sam Clemens.

FRIEND B: The baseball player?

FRIEND A: No, you're thinking of the pitcher, Roger Clemens.

FRIEND B: Oh, yeah.

FRIEND A: Sam Clemens is Mark Twain, man.

FRIEND B: Oh, yeah.

FRIEND A: You know who is hilarious?

FRIEND B: Who?

FRIEND A: Mark Twain, man. He had this amazing wit. I never knew he was so funny.

FRIEND B: Wasn't he a racist?

FRIEND A: No, man. People just think that.

FRIEND B: I'm pretty sure he was a racist.

FRIEND A: Listen, using certain words doesn't automatically make someone a racist.

FRIEND B: It does if he's white.

FRIEND A: Things were different back then, that's all I'm saying. Maybe Mark Twain wouldn't be funny today, but you've got to take it in context.

FRIEND B: Whatever. [Long pause.] You know what's really funny?

FRIEND A: What?

FRIEND B: "Scrubs." That new doctor show.

FRIEND A: You're comparing Mark Twain to a sitcom?

FRIEND B: "Scrubs" is funny, man. Hilarious. Best new show in a long time.

FRIEND A: You've got to be joking.

FRIEND B: Seriously, you should watch it. [Long pause.] You know what PBS should do?

FRIEND A: What?

FRIEND B: A show about Roger Clemens. That guy can pitch.

FRIEND A: Why are we even friends?

FRIEND B: Necessity, my man. Mark Twain is dead. I'm all you've got.