Instructions on Removing the Foldover Top Label from a Pair of Sears White Crew Socks

J.C. Frampton

1. Insert thumbnail under paper and ease up a corner. Tear off a triangular strip about three centimeters long.

2. Try another corner and get a slightly longer irregularly shaped piece. Rip at it in all directions. Tear in the middle between sock tops, leaving two substantial pieces still in place.

3. Soak ends of socks in lukewarm water. (Don't be concerned about the black dye getting on your white socks; it'll eventually come off.) You can dig at the label a lot better now, getting tiny pieces shaped like hats or Jockey briefs, although they tend to curl up.

4. Get tweezers and pick the remaining pieces of munged-up paper and glue off the socks.

5. Take scissors and cut off the pieces of elastic that have pulled out. This will have to be redone about every three washings.

6. If socks are still tacky to the touch, wash several times immediately; otherwise you'll always be thinking about them being tacky.

7. Cut fingernails of the hand you used for the digging especially close and then clean out the remaining paper and glue with a suitable manicuring implement, remembering that pain makes us realize we are alive.